Funny Facebook Status Updates

Friendship is like peeing yourself:::
Everyone sees it; but your the only one
who gets the warm feeling it brings !

Being complete and being finished are two different things. If you marry the right woman, you’re complete. If you marry the wrong woman, you’re finished. If you divorce the right woman, you’re completely finished.

I wonder when a girl would walk up to me and say…. Can i be your girlfriend?.

Ladies heed this warning …..
For every male friend your man has, there is more than likely to be 2 female friends around. And they have NEVER met you for one reason…

:p + :O = 69

It’s funny; when you walk through a spiderweb, you instantly learn King Fu.
For you to be happy you must follow the F.A.C.T.S. Forget the past Accept your mistakes Cry &move on Thank god Smile always

Women should have a hotline number for men to dial into for advice. The first recording should say, “Listen closely as our options change daily”.

My p*** is so polite, it stands up so cute girls have a place to sit.

If I were a teenage mutant ninja turtle, then I would always say, kaowabunga dude!

Have You Ever Wondered,How Many
Thoughts,Feelings & EMOTIONS Are
Hidden Behind This Simple Sentence:
“Kuch Nhi Yarr,Bas Aise Hi”.

Does (enter your home town here) have speed dating? Not that I want to try and find a date, I just want to see how many farts I can disburse is a timely fashion.

I laughed so hard tears ran down my leg.

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