How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she’s been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those ‘evolutionary things’ that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It’s called a wedding cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Show this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don’t own a gun.