I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can have sex at 68.
I’m so happy, because I live at number 72.
So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards.
And it’s the same side of the street.
I don’t even have to cross the road!
Answering machine message,
“I am not available right now,
but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes.”
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that,
by the time you’re old enough to know your way around,
you’re not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
“With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control,
mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms
tearing up the country from one end to another,
and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,
are we sure this is a good time to take
God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”