My Name’s Michael Caine

Go on, you just can’t resist it can you?

Madness – (My Name Is) Michael Caine (Official Video …

He’s walking where I’m afraid I don’t know
I see the firemen jumping from the windows
There’s panic and I hear somebody scream
(aaaah)

He picks up useless paper
And puts it in my pocket
I’m trying very hard to keep my fingers clean
I can’t remember tell me what’s his name

And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep at home
And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep

The sun is laughing its another broken morning
I see a shadow and call out to try and warn him
He didn’t seem to hear
Just turned away

The quiet fellow follows and points his fingers
Straight at you
He had to sacrifice his pride yes throw it all away

And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep at home
And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep

His days are numbered he walks round and round in circles
There is no place he can ever call his own
He seems to jump at the sound of the phone

Staring out the window there’s nothing he can now do
All he wanted was to remain sane
He can’t remember his own name

And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep at home
And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep
And all I wanted was a word or photograph
And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep

And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep at home
And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep
And all I wanted was a word or photograph
And all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it’s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators…YEP!!!

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack…

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister,
or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over
in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires
only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Everything on your face stays
its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years,
even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes —
one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter
how your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

I never realised it began like this

In ancient Israel it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.
It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites,
or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.
Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.

He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.” And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.” “YAHOO,” said Abraham.
And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.

Change the World

This Simple Pledge Could Make a HUGE Difference!
Paper and plastic bags cause some of the worst environmental destruction. Take action!

Paper and plastic bags are the deadliest items you can find at a grocery store. These pollutants are widely available, often for free, and have become a part of many people’s daily lives outside the market. But while paper and plastic bags are sometimes reused for lunch-bags or G.I. Joe parachutes (respectively), their production and ultimate destination result in horrific environmental consequences.

Plastic bags cause hundred of thousands of marine mammal deaths per year when they are mistaken for food, and the production of paper bags creates seventy percent more pollution than that of their plastic counterparts. Each drop of water in the Earth’s oceans contains tiny indigestible microplastics that accumulate as they move up the food-chain, and recycling paper bags costs almost double the energy of recycling plastic.

Don’t be a part of the problem — be THE solution. Take reusable bags to the grocery store, and encourage others to do the same. Sign the pledge to bring AT LEAST ONE reusable bag each time you take a trip to the supermarket — it could change the world!