I never realised it began like this

In ancient Israel it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.
It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites,
or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.
Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.

He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.” And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.” “YAHOO,” said Abraham.
And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.

Change the World

This Simple Pledge Could Make a HUGE Difference!
Paper and plastic bags cause some of the worst environmental destruction. Take action!

Paper and plastic bags are the deadliest items you can find at a grocery store. These pollutants are widely available, often for free, and have become a part of many people’s daily lives outside the market. But while paper and plastic bags are sometimes reused for lunch-bags or G.I. Joe parachutes (respectively), their production and ultimate destination result in horrific environmental consequences.

Plastic bags cause hundred of thousands of marine mammal deaths per year when they are mistaken for food, and the production of paper bags creates seventy percent more pollution than that of their plastic counterparts. Each drop of water in the Earth’s oceans contains tiny indigestible microplastics that accumulate as they move up the food-chain, and recycling paper bags costs almost double the energy of recycling plastic.

Don’t be a part of the problem — be THE solution. Take reusable bags to the grocery store, and encourage others to do the same. Sign the pledge to bring AT LEAST ONE reusable bag each time you take a trip to the supermarket — it could change the world!

LEXOPHILIA

Lexophilia is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

.. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Bigar Waterfall Looks Just Like Something Out Of A Fairytale

Sometimes you see a photo of nature and think “well, that just can’t be real.” This is one of those times.

Izvorul Bigăr, or the Bigar Waterfall in Romania looks like something straight out of a fairytale. (We’re thinking along the lines of the “Kiss The Girl” scene from “The Little Mermaid”, perhaps?)

A moss-covered cliff and an underground water spring combine to create this beautiful and unique piece of nature. Located in the Anina Mountains in western part of Romania, this waterfall has found itself on countless lists of stunning places around the world and one of the most beautiful places in Romania and we can certainly understand why.

See for yourself…

Cherry Blossom Tunnel, Germany

Each spring, a peaceful street, located in the German city of Bonn, transforms into an enchanting cherry blossom tunnel. Photographer Marcel Bednarz captured this stunning sight of cherry blossoms in full bloom. He explained to me that there are actually two streets in Bonn where cherry trees are planted.  The one you see in the above picture is called Heerstraße. As you may know, the average cherry blossom lasts only between 7 and 10 days, depending on weather conditions

Trees beautify and protect our environment by providing colour, shelter, and shade.  They renew our air supply by soaking up carbon dioxide and producing oxygen.

A call to action

THIS IS SO MAJESTIC – I LOVE IT

‘A call to action’: The vast sculpture carved from DRIFTWOOD with a message about how man holds the world’s fate his hands

• Sculptor Paul Baliker, 59, spent six months crafting his 13ft by 13ft masterpiece
• It is made entirely from cedar driftwood collected around the Gulf of Mexico

Teeming with wildlife like deer, giraffes, monkeys and dolphins, this sculpture bursts with the beauty of the natural world.

At the centre, inexorably linked to each constituent part, is a man. He holds a globe in his hand to represent our dominant species’ unique duties as custodians of the planet.
Crafted entirely from driftwood, the vast, thought-provoking masterpiece was created by sculptor Paul Baliker, 59, who describes it as a ‘call to action’.

‘I started out sculpting to put food on the table, I never dreamt of where it would lead,’ he said.
‘I hope that people can see the environmental message I attempt to portray, and perhaps think hard about the impact man has on the natural world.

‘I attempt to create one major environment statement a year, always on a massive scale.
‘It is my contribution to a better planet.’

Mr Baliker spent six months creating his masterpiece. Using chainsaws, sanders and rotary grinders, he carefully carved each element from cedar driftwood collected around the Gulf of Mexico

‘The sculpture had been on my mind for the past 15 years,’ he said.
‘For me to be able to put it together took vision, the material, as well as ability, time and desire,’

The sculpture, called A Matter Of Time, measures a massive 13ft by 13ft, dwarfing its creator, who says it’s been warmly received.

‘I have seen tears in some viewer’s eyes,’ he said. ‘I wanted this sculpture to focus around mankind, since in this sculpture he holds the fate of the planet in his hands.
‘The sculpture is a call to action.’

SOURCE: MAIL

DVLA reveals the top 10 excuses for not buying a tax disc

THESE ARE INCREDIBLE!!!

According to information released by DVLA, motorists caught for not having a tax disc last year used a variety of excuses, which included “My mate said that if the cost of the tax is more than what the car’s worth you haven’t got to pay it.”



One motorist claimed to have fallen out of a tree while fruit picking and broke both arms so they could not fill in the necessary forms, while one motorist even blamed their mobile phone.



Carolyn Williams, DVLA’s head of digital services, said: “The vast majority of people tax their car on time but it amazes me to see the excuses people come up with. It is easier than ever before for people to tax their car and our digital services are designed to be used any time of day or night to fit in with people’s lifestyles – so there really is no need for silly excuses.”



The 10 silliest excuses:


1. My accountant told me I’m due a tax rebate so I didn’t think I needed to pay again this year.

2. I was on my way to the Post Office to tax the car and called into the betting shop – there was a horse running at Doncaster called ‘Don’t Do It’ so I bet on that with my car tax money instead – it lost.

3. My mate said that if the cost of the tax is more than what the car is worth you haven’t got to pay it – it’s not, so I didn’t.

4. I fell out of a tree picking plums and broke both my arms.

5. I took too much Viagra and couldn’t leave the house.
6. I’d forgotten the motorbike was in my garage – it was hidden behind the BBQ so it’s not my fault.

7. I had man flu and couldn’t go to the Post Office.

8. I’ve been out of the country for four months and I forgot where I parked my car.

9. My dog ate the reminder.

10. My reminder on my phone didn’t work so it’s not my fault.

UNIVERSITY OF BIRMINGHAM

A graphic issued by the University of Birmingham show how lunar calendar’s ‘pits’ at Warren Field discovered in Crathes, Aberdeenshire, are believed to align to phases of the moon over the course of the year, as archaeologists think they have discovered the world’s oldest calendar in the field in Scotland.

Until now the first formal time-measuring devices were thought to have been created in Mesopotamia about 5,000 years ago. The pit alignment near Crathes Castle predates those discoveries by thousands of years, experts say. The Mesolithic monument at Warren Field is said to have been created by hunter-gatherer societies nearly 10,000 years ago
SOURCE: UNIVERSITY OF BIRMINGHAM